Lessons from 21 years of Dating in the 20th and 21 centuries
One of the great gifts and deep joys of my life is being in partnership with this man: Jaki Levy. The man I married on March 29, 2020.
One of the themes that has been coming up in my life in general right now is that when I feel good, everything turns out alright.
This is both a bio-chemical truth and a psychological reality.
But it’s not something I always knew or understood very well. I was very obsessed with learning about love, ways to love, how to be loved, how to be a good lover, and any iteration of the love juice I could find or think of. I thought love was just the answer, but I didn’t really understand how to find it inside of myself.
I spent years studying this and feeling lots of feelings – getting caught in cycles of #unrequitedlove – #whatswrongwithme – #wtfisthis – all leading to a big #whenyouknowbetteryoudobetter
Reflecting on the most important things I learned in my 21 years and 10 months of dating, I made this list :
1. If it doesn’t feel good don’t do it.
2. Relationships can take real work. But if the work takes you out of the game (aka your life) then its not the kind of work that sustains you. And you might ask yourself “Is this really serving me?” even if sometimes it feels REALLY good.
3. Heartbreak is a big part of how we learn things. What works for us and what doesn’t work for us. What we care about and what isn’t all that important.
4. Addiction to heartbreak is its own dysfunctional pattern.
5. You deserve to discover who you really are. And dating lots of different types of people is a great way to do that.
6. What you think is attractive really does change over time. The clearer you are on the qualities that matter to you the better off you’re going to be at building something long term – if you want that.
7. You can have it – however you want it – so choose what you want – for yourself – and live your life to make yourself happy.
#ilove #iloveyou #love #loveyou #lover #lovewins #dating